So I'm pretty addicted to youtube. When in high school I had a crappy computer that couldn't play youtube videos properly, so while kids in my class talked about this 'oh-so-funny' youtube video I just sat there looking as clueless as possible since I had no idea what they were talking about. I had to go to someone else's place and mooch on their computers to watch youtube videos.
So, when I went to college and finally got a decent computer, all I would do was watch youtube videos. I had a bit of an obsession, one might say.
Anyways, one day while browsing the tubes I met this character. Bo Burnham. And I was hooked. He sings, he raps, he plays the guitar and the piano and he's genuinely funny. The sad thing is, english not being my native language I always get the feeling I did not get all of the jokes while listening to one of his songs. Still, the ones I do understand crack me up everytime.
I'm gonna stop writing now. Just enjoy (be warned, not suitable for children):
Now I don't know if all boy scouts are gays
But they could probably "tie the knot" in like fifty different ways...
I got a safe full o' cherries, cause I pop it and lock it,
A girl's like a fridge, once a week you should stock (stalk) it,
And girl, if your into a rimmin its only safe if your swimming,
And girl don't sit on the couch cause I treat my objects like women.
I spit fire like I just blew a demon
My sh*ts so hot I leave the toilet bowl steamin
Girl im gonna tear it (tarot), like the cards of the gypsies
Youll bleed for so long youll get monthly ellipses.
If the pants are loose, girl I'll replete (re-pleat) ya.
You're a first time vegan and its nice to meet (meat) ya
I'm bo yo
And im the greatest rappa eva
And I'll weather your weather whether you think im clever or not
Think your better your not
Don't need a sweater im hot
Im a real G shawty that can really find your g spot
Go to a
Vagina orchard, count 1,2,3
Spin that plant around you got a third world country (whirled c*nt tree)
That's right, consider yourself warned
Im offensive and creative like handicapped porn
Your playing with your breasts, excuse me, can I try it ma'am?
Your pushin em together like a titty Venn Diagram
Look at that CRACK scuse me can I buy a gram?
Right below your diaphram, ass looks like your hidin ham.
First base, were making out
Second base, im getting faked out.
Third base, im getting take out
And I'd try to take it home if I knew I'd take it out
But I just don't know I said I just don't care
My flos so cold I need a tampon from a polar bear
Cause you can smell and spell my stink
B.O. lingers and it makes you think
Girls are like donuts when I be bustin bo nuts,
I can make em cream-filled or give them a layer of glaze
Im like doug's friend Skeeter whenever I meet her.
Casue I skeet her so hard you could call her Patty Mayonnaise.
My girl is epyletic cause shes the one im jerkin with
Common you asian child laborer show me what your workin with...
Cause theres an inverse relationship between respect and sects
Im talking bout religious sects like a mormon sect
That says you cant have sex with members of different sects, but you cant have sex with members of the same sex
So if the sects cant be different, the sex can be same, then the only sex left is some left hand shame
And girl I left you cause u left the game and if that don't feel right then u can write my name
Look pass the skin and look to the lyrics
I run miracle circles around you like spherical lyrics
This isn't about ironic pigment
If youre imagining this then I'm a chronic figment.
My junks so long that it hangs and swings, so at the nude baech people think im lookin for lost rings
Play the skin flute while ur big boy sings and if you want to take it all wear African neck rings.
Haters call me gay, but that aint hatin
Cuase im not homophobic, my morals are straight and
If im in the closet then you are below me (blow me)
Takin the b-a-t out of basement, homey
Since Bo's a youtube celeb I'm pretty sure half of you guys already know him, but still, if I was gonna write something today, it was gonna be about him.
His channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/boburnham
PS: I'm not sure if mooch was the right word to use up there.