viernes, 21 de enero de 2011

Wisdom teeth - Removed

At least 2 of them. My face is swollen and if I werent taking some serious drop medication it would hurt like a bitch. I don't know who invented anesthesia, but if it ain't god's gift to humanity, I don't know what is. I mean, I could feel the doctor cut away my gums, find the teeth, breaking it in pieces (krr krrrrrr CRACK), taking them out using my mouth as pivot for his rudimentary lever system, and it never hurt. Not one bit. Well, except for the jaw and the temple from having to open my mouth too much for too long.

Now I'm in bed, bored to death, eating shitty food (which is not really food, more like pear paste or something), and writing here. I don't know if I'm even making any sense.

Did you know they're called wisdom teeth because they appear between the ages of 17 and 25, at which point you're supposedly more smart than when you were little, and therefore, more wise and whatnot? Well, I call bullshit.

In spanish they're called "muelas del juicio," that is, molar's of judgement. As in "I have judgement now, but not when I was an annoying little brat." I'm still calling bullshit. I have no wisdom and no judgement, and probably won't have any until I'm 40 something.

Oh, also, Santa Claus is dressed in red because of Coca-cola. And that's the goddamn truth.

There's a TV here in my mom's room but I swear to god there's nothing mildly interesting on. You would guess in a southamerican country we would watch our own television series and soap operas, right? Well, not me. They all blow. Or suck. Both. I lay here and watch pretty much the same sitcoms you guys do in the States. With subtitles, obviously.

On that note, fuck Friends. And all hail Seinfeld. There's this new show on HBO, Boardwalk Empire. It pretty much rocks. Watch it, seriously.

OK, I'm out. I'm not making any sense and I'm sweating like a pig and I'm not even funny today. Not in the slightest. Just forget you read all this and go do something more fun, like bang your penis against the wall. That would do the trick


Best Billy Joel song ever.

viernes, 17 de diciembre de 2010

127 hours

Took me long enough to write something again. University sucks up my life like a vortex.

Anyways, it has come to my attention a movie has been made about Aron Ralston. If you do not know who Aron Ralston is, you need to reevaluate your life. I'm from Chile and I know who the guy is.

Aron Ralston, the living legend, was rock climbing, minding his own business, when a life threatening boulder fell and pinned his arm against the mountain walls. After struggling for days, he realized the boulder wasn't going going to budge. So what did he do? Did he just lay there awaiting his own death? Did he start crying like a little girl? HELL NO. Aron Ralston took out a pocket knife he had with him AND CUT OFF HIS OWN DAMN ARM. Just like that! Pow! He survived his predicament with one hell of a story to tell. If that isn't manly, I don't know what is.

Being the amazing man he is, a movie was made about the whole thing.

I haven't seen it yet. Here's hoping it does justice to Aron and his story.

PS: if you people already know all about the movie, remember I'm writing from a third world country. We have a huge lag regarding movie releases.

sábado, 30 de octubre de 2010

Bo Burnham

So I'm pretty addicted to youtube. When in high school I had a crappy computer that couldn't play youtube videos properly, so while kids in my class talked about this 'oh-so-funny' youtube video I just sat there looking as clueless as possible since I had no idea what they were talking about. I had to go to someone else's place and mooch on their computers to watch youtube videos.

So, when I went to college and finally got a decent computer, all I would do was watch youtube videos. I had a bit of an obsession, one might say.

Anyways, one day while browsing the tubes I met this character. Bo Burnham. And I was hooked. He sings, he raps, he plays the guitar and the piano and he's genuinely funny. The sad thing is, english not being my native language I always get the feeling I did not get all of the jokes while listening to one of his songs. Still, the ones I do understand crack me up everytime.

I'm gonna stop writing now. Just enjoy (be warned, not suitable for children):

Now I don't know if all boy scouts are gays
But they could probably "tie the knot" in like fifty different ways...
I got a safe full o' cherries, cause I pop it and lock it,
A girl's like a fridge, once a week you should stock (stalk) it,
And girl, if your into a rimmin its only safe if your swimming,
And girl don't sit on the couch cause I treat my objects like women.
I spit fire like I just blew a demon
My sh*ts so hot I leave the toilet bowl steamin
Girl im gonna tear it (tarot), like the cards of the gypsies
Youll bleed for so long youll get monthly ellipses.
If the pants are loose, girl I'll replete (re-pleat) ya.
You're a first time vegan and its nice to meet (meat) ya

I'm bo yo
And im the greatest rappa eva
And I'll weather your weather whether you think im clever or not
Think your better your not
Don't need a sweater im hot
Im a real G shawty that can really find your g spot

Go to a
Vagina orchard, count 1,2,3
Spin that plant around you got a third world country (whirled c*nt tree)
That's right, consider yourself warned
Im offensive and creative like handicapped porn
Your playing with your breasts, excuse me, can I try it ma'am?
Your pushin em together like a titty Venn Diagram
Look at that CRACK scuse me can I buy a gram?
Right below your diaphram, ass looks like your hidin ham.

First base, were making out
Second base, im getting faked out.
Third base, im getting take out
And I'd try to take it home if I knew I'd take it out
But I just don't know I said I just don't care
My flos so cold I need a tampon from a polar bear
Cause you can smell and spell my stink
B.O. lingers and it makes you think


Girls are like donuts when I be bustin bo nuts,
I can make em cream-filled or give them a layer of glaze
Im like doug's friend Skeeter whenever I meet her.
Casue I skeet her so hard you could call her Patty Mayonnaise.
My girl is epyletic cause shes the one im jerkin with
Common you asian child laborer show me what your workin with...

Cause theres an inverse relationship between respect and sects
Im talking bout religious sects like a mormon sect
That says you cant have sex with members of different sects, but you cant have sex with members of the same sex
So if the sects cant be different, the sex can be same, then the only sex left is some left hand shame
And girl I left you cause u left the game and if that don't feel right then u can write my name


Look pass the skin and look to the lyrics
I run miracle circles around you like spherical lyrics
This isn't about ironic pigment
If youre imagining this then I'm a chronic figment.

My junks so long that it hangs and swings, so at the nude baech people think im lookin for lost rings
Play the skin flute while ur big boy sings and if you want to take it all wear African neck rings.

Haters call me gay, but that aint hatin
Cuase im not homophobic, my morals are straight and
If im in the closet then you are below me (blow me)
Takin the b-a-t out of basement, homey

Since Bo's a youtube celeb I'm pretty sure half of you guys already know him, but still, if I was gonna write something today, it was gonna be about him.

His channel:

PS: I'm not sure if mooch was the right word to use up there.

jueves, 28 de octubre de 2010

On yarn and gay games

OK, so I have a Wii.

People point their fingers at me calling me a closeted homo and what not. I don't really care.

What I do care about is this little game I've been playing lately. It's called "Kirby's Epic Yarn."

For those of you unfamiliar with Kirby, he's this little pink, round and extra strong fella who's on the forefront of classic nintendo gaming characters such as Mario, Link and Donkey Kong.

Thing is, I've never been fond of Kirby, nor his games. BUT this last one... it's just insanely amazing.

Here's a little something:

All seriousness aside, it's like they took gay and made it a game. Still, I haven't played such a good platformer in a really long time.

If you own a wii, go and get it. You will not regret it. And no, I am not being paid by Nintendo for this (like they would, anyway). I'm just a fanboy chipping in his two cents.

Any thoughts?

miércoles, 27 de octubre de 2010

First post

Hey guys, what up?

I created this blog in order to round up my ideas on many things. I'm guessing writing will make this easier.

I like math, music, and a shit ton of other things. You'll be seeing that on later posts.

Also, I am from Chile, so my english is not quite perfect. Still, feel free to correct me anytime.

To start things off, a clip from one of my favorite bands. Enjoy.